I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
