I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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