i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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