So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
