it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
