She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize