Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I cannot find my penis.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
