Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
