I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
