Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
