Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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