Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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