Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
