I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
