Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
