my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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