I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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