I hate all girls vehemently.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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