i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
