Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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