wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
