I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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