We got so high we made milksteak
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
