would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
time to smoke my breakfast
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize