my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
