I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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