dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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