You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
