omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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