what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
