oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize