...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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