This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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