Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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