is your mom at the bar?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
