then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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