She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
