my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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