Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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