Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize