I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
