I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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