theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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