Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
