I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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