she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
