man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
