Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Every concussion has its silver lining
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
