Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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