If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
