Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
