I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
