I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
