nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
