I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
