First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
