i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
