this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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