so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
