Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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