I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
try to milk me bitch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
