we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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