The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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