Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
