he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
