You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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