his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
