you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
