I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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