i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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