She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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