I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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